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I’m on an early morning flight out of Pittsburgh on my way to a funeral, seated next to a woman named Pam who is returning from one. The similarities in our stories end there as her funeral was for her elderly father who had been ill for several months. Pam’s mother is surrounded by siblings and children who will support her through the next months and years as she must live life without her husband. My funeral will be for my 18-year old great-nephew, a senior in high school who died in his sleep a week ago last Sunday night. His death followed the death of his best friend by only a few days.
Many of my niece Heather’s family members are on planes today and tomorrow in order to come together to support her throughout this unexpected, untimely need to say good-bye to her eldest son. And we each wonder what we can do to help now, and in the months and years ahead, as Jacob’s mother and father and brother, and half-siblings must live their lives without him.
I spoke with Heather about whether, instead of flowers, she had an organization she would like people to make a donation to in Jacob’s name. “I wish we could find one,” she said. “It’s very much on my heart to prevent this from happening to other students and families in our community.” She is seeing tomorrow’s service, which will be held after school to accommodate many of Jacob’s friends and schoolmates, as a teaching moment. “Mothers can’t solve this. We need to support teens to create a positive peer culture to keep one another safe. This reminded me of the signs I’ve seen from another campaign that has had some measure of success –“Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.”
I learned yesterday that tomorrow’s service will be live-streamed so members of our far-flung family who couldn’t make the trip will have the opportunity to be present and connect with one another online. Several of us have been online recently searching for solutions to what has become a national nightmare –sudden OD deaths of teens and other young people. We found some programs that show promise, but it will take dedication and work to bring them to more of our affected communities. Check out Overdose Lifeline or the National Helpline or the Society for Adolescent Health and Medicine which has lots of online resources.
I know there will be a great deal of pain in that room tomorrow afternoon as well as in the hearts of those watching online. It will be important to remind ourselves of what I’ve been told a holocaust survivor said often, “Pain is a terrible thing to waste.” I pray we can make our pain count to save other families, other teens, and other lives.
Sheila
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