Common causes of fatigue are lifestyle factors, according to the Mayo Clinic––not getting enough sleep, having an unhealthy diet, or not getting enough exercise. Common symptoms are trouble concentrating, very low energy, irritability, and being unable to enjoy activities that you usually enjoy. My husband had elective nasal surgery last Friday and I’ve been near exhaustion ever since.
While Rich has been intermittently watching television and napping off and on in the living room recliner most of the last four days, I’ve been doing everything else for our shared household. He’s an easy patient, not hungry or demanding of much but more ice and a refill for his iced tea container. So, besides tending to these few responsibilities, I was in my ground level studio for three days totally focused on getting revisions back to my editor. After making it to my exercise class on Monday morning, I got online with my colleague Christine, for a joint work session and my exhaustion caught up with me.
How I knew it was exhaustion was because I was having trouble processing what we were doing, and this session that I had been looking forward to began not feeling enjoyable. I did recognize that my irritable attitude was taking the fun out of it. I know what a challenge caregiving can be, I’ve done lots of it in my life. Christine teasingly reminded me that I wrote a book about how to take care of yourself while doing it. But it didn’t feel like I could blame this fatigue just on caregiving. I did tell Rich that, the fact that everything has been up to me has increased my appreciation for how much he usually does around here. Running a household solo is a lot, and something that widows and widowers come to the hard way. This led me to think of the connection between fatigue and grief.
The first time I made this connection was when I returned home after being with my daughter Corinne, through her death and with family members, after her funeral. “I know I’m supposed to eat to take care of myself, and I’m trying.” I told the acupuncturist. “But I’m too tired to hold my fork.”
Grief is the response to loss or a reminder that a significant loss has occurred or is on the horizon. Grieving involves the processing of these losses, sometimes out of our awareness, in a pattern of spiraling reminders. I decided to dance on behalf of my tiredness, and when I did, other people and current situations of grief and loss came to mind. I remembered seeing on Facebook that Carol, a dear friend, and member of my women’s spirituality group was burying her son Chuck in Texas this week. Texas reminded me that I hadn’t heard from my sister Maureen’s husband, Roland, and how the plans were coming for her memorial in North Texas. Just them I noticed today’s date on the computer screen. January 22. My sister Pat’s birthday. She would have been 81.
“Grief takes your chi, your life force.” the acupuncturist had said. That’s one explanation for fatigue. Not exactly a lifestyle factor, unless we count how many people we are connected to who are dealing with their own losses, how many people we are traveling this road alongside. And yes, selfcare is a critical aspect for that journey.
