My husband and I couldn’t afford the time to drive to Raleigh NC to attend a memorial celebration for a long time InterPlay friend, so we flew on the new Breeze airline. It definitely lived up to its name. The short trip had us relaxed and rested to participate in what we knew, would be an energetic, novel, and fun experience.
For an elder like Tom Henderson, we expected the memorial event to honor him and his well-lived life. We were surprised by what Tom had prearranged for us. You’ve probably heard the advice to pre-arrange your funeral and burial to lessen the burden family members. Let people know what songs you want sung, what poems or scripture segments read. But Tom went a bit further. He offered his own poems. The memorial was a community celebration of our own lives, of the times we shared with Tom and with one another through decades of tough challenges and play-filled celebrations.
Tom was a scientist, a chemist, but also a poet and musician. In this InterPlay community, whose forms are active, creative, improvisational ways to unlock the wisdom of our bodies, Tom was a dancer. And so, we danced on his behalf, using the forms he recommended, in the timings that he wanted them to occur. You might say, he called the show from the other side.
As a white man in our western culture, it is no small achievement to become a dancer. I salute the bravery of Tom, my husband Richard, Billy Amoss and the men Tom and he gathered a dozen or more years ago to form a men’s InterPlay group. The performance of that men’s group was a highlight of our gathering.
Tom’s run of show asked me to lead the Pittsburgh form, a version of community dance and storytelling that many of us present have done with Tom and his wife Ginny, with their community performance troupe, Off the Deep End in North Carolina, in Oakland CA with the Wing It Performance Ensemble, and in Malawi, Australia, and at the Fringe Festival in Scotland.
By his selection of various elements, Tom ignited memories of the rich life we have shared together. We came to see different sides of his personality, through the stories of InterPlay founders, Tom’s students, mentees, and teachers. His saxophone teacher performed a tune from Tom’s favorite jazz musician, John Coltrane. In one of Tom’s poems he ended with the message, “do not waste time in mourning, look, see, create, and choose joy!” Most everyone in that room understands that the dance is the most powerful path to joy.
If you are reading this on Thursday March 21st – join us online for the Reimagine platform The Art of Grieving – Dance at 7:30 -8:45 pm, eastern, 4:30-5:45 pm pacific. Register here https://letsreimagine.org/76768/the-art-of-grieving-series-dance
