“We didn’t do our usual gratitude circle around the table this year, saying what we are grateful for,” my recently widowed friend told me. “I just couldn’t do it.” I understood. When my husband asked me to say the blessing before we ate alone, the meal we’d cooked together, I drew a blank. As I waited something came, but what with running the household while caregiving my husband as he convalesced from foot surgery, and being away from family and friends, this holiday wasn’t what others have been. Gratitude did not come as readily to mind as in Thanksgiving holidays past.
I became curious about how illusive gratitude can be at times. The grief of recent or current losses can consume our awareness; perhaps partly from the energy, it takes to deal with their aftermath. Thinking of the families in California that have lost their homes and everything in them to raging fires, or here in Pittsburgh, the Jewish families still reeling from the horrific mass murder of 11 people in a synagogue – we want to focus on the good that has come out of these tragedies. There is the loving support provided by neighbors and community members, and the realization that we, the survivors, are still alive. But as with physical pain, when we are in the midst of it, it’s hard to appreciate that fact as a completely good thing.
Perhaps that’s why gratitude is a mental/emotional/spiritual practice. Therapists tell their clients to think of three things they are grateful for before going to sleep each night. Or to periodically make a gratitude list and celebrate the good, in spite of whatever challenges are emerging. And prominent in every religion is the form of prayer that says “Thank You” to God, Great Spirit, or the Universe.
Newspapers and my email stream have been filled with articles about gratitude. One of my mentors Jack Canfield wrote about gratitude and attracting joy. A quote from Sam Walker, a former editor at the Wall Street Journal, in his article “How Gratitude is Good for Business” stood out. “If bottled, gratitude might be a controlled substance for the “high” that comes with it.” He maintains from his research that companies that build grateful cultures are seen as better places to work and the resulting engaged teams drive business success.
I’m thankful for the national holiday of Thanksgivings to remind us all of the importance of gratitude. As for me, I’m putting an ongoing gratitude list on the refrigerator to add to daily since expressing gratitude is how we create gratitude. And by expressing it often, when the going gets tough, I’m counting on gratitude to be my don’t- have-to-think-about-it automatic response.
What strategies do you have for staying grateful? I’d love to hear them.
Sheila
P.S. One thing I am grateful for is the release of Stillpoint: A Self-Care Playbook for Caregivers to Find Ease, and Time to Breathe, and Reclaim Joy . Have you checked it out yet? It makes a great gift for the holidays.
