Do you remember when you couldn’t wait to be a grown-up? When it seemed that
grown-ups had all the freedom and the fun? Seeing my 6 yr old granddaughter
looking up to her 20-somethings cousins when our family gathered for the holidays
reminded me of the gifts the different generations have to give to one another. Some
of her admiration came from the skills her boy cousins showed playing ball in the
backyard, and the kudos she got from them when she demonstrated hers. Admiring
Tori, her college-age girl cousin came easy since she seemed to be getting a glimpse
of her future self. Especially since people kept pointing out how much alike they
looked.
Becoming a grown-up seemed like a one time only final destination to my daughter
Corinne when she was a teenager. “You don’t seem like a grown-up Mom,” she told
me. When I asked why she explained that since I was still learning things I wasn’t
“UP yet.” As she saw it, since I was still in school, I obviously had not arrived at full
grownup-hood.
As the “Mother (or Dad) in the Middle,” with responsibilities for the well-being of
our children and for our aging parents, being a grownup seems to include much less
freedom and fun than it seemed to offer when we were moving towards that
grown-up friends is one of the best ways to take care of ourselves as we care for
others.
It offers The Test for a True Grownup with items like:
-“Is this person big enough to come out and play with you? (while not
needing drinks, drugs, and other chemicals to play and have a good time.)
-Does this person need to take long naps, (in front of the TV perhaps) even
when they aren’t really tired?
-Does this person cry or throw a fit when losing the hand or not getting his or
her way?
When those years of multiple responsibilities are behind us, being a true grown-up
may mean accepting gracefully, a string of losses; of health, or abilities, companions,
and loved ones. Then, when faced with letting go of the familiar, we demonstrate
true maturity by saying to ourselves, and believing it, “What I want changes when I
see what the situation requires.”
Wishing you the joys of true grownup-hood surrounded by the support of grown-up
friends, throughout 2019 and beyond!
Sheila
PS. If you live in Pittsburgh, PA, Fort Worth, Austin, or San Antonio, TX, Atlanta, GA.
Washington, DC, Oakland CA, or Palm Springs, CA, be in touch since these are cities
where my co-author Christine Gautreaux and I are scheduling keynote
presentations and workshops. We’d love to have you join us.
