There is advice we give one another, in InterPlay classes and practices – “Never underestimate the body’s need for reassurance.” When I’m directing the physical warmup, I like to time this comment to accompany a movement we’re doing which I’d describe as a self-hug. Reassurance is especially important when we are looking ahead on the horizon to a potential permanent significant loss that seems likely. A loved one is dealing with a death-defying disease, an accident has caused damage that may result in the loss of our independence, or desired lifestyle, a person is at risk to lose a limb. The accompanying anticipatory grief involves intense sorrow and sadness because whatever the permanent loss, it’s the loss of a part of ourselves. The loss of identity of who we have been in the world or how we have seen ourselves or been seen by others.
The notion of grieving a loss before it happens, was identified by Erich Lindemann in 1940. Anticipatory grief was seen as something that could be helpful. Realizing the likelihood of a loss could give people time to prepare and learn some coping skills. In the case of an anticipated death, one’s own or a loved one’s, realizing that time is limited can cause people to spend time with one another, have meaningful conversations and be able to say good-bye. Of course, not always. I came across an article that stated that in the Philippines, talking about the death of a loved one before they pass away is not ok. It’s considered a taboo. “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear,” says C. S Lewis in the opening line of A Grief Observed. I thought of this quote when I read the research report on a study of mothers in Iran, facing the possible imminent death of their children who were hospitalized with serious illnesses. Rather than the organized stages of emotions often referred to in western articles, the mother’s experiences of sadness were different. They experienced shock, irritability, fear of losing, feelings of guilt, uncertainty, hopelessness, loneliness, and isolation, and mourning
without a coffin – 8 symptoms the researchers labeled “emotional upheaval. “Now there’s a strong case for the need for reassurance.
What does the body need in the midst of emotional upheavals like we’ve been experiencing in these unprecedented times? Where can we find sanctuary and refuge? Natural environments were once those places of belonging where we felt connected to larger life. But now, dramatic floods and fires from droughts demonstrate a threat to the earth itself. To do our grief work we need one another. As the sainted Mother Teresa suggested, “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten we belong to one another.”
Come join me and Australian Interplay leader Trish Watts, and members of the Wing & A Prayer Pittsburgh Players as we explore voice and movement to create rituals of sanctuary and belonging this Sunday August 21 st at 6:30 pm eastern online on the Reimagine platform. REGISTER HERE
