I was about 5 years old when my mother would take me to visit a woman she admired named Caroline. Looking back, Caroline must have been in her 20s, so to me she was a grown-up, but oddly, living in a bed with bars on it like a child’s crib. She would sit up in her bed to greet and speak to us but I don’t believe she ever got out of it, certainly not out of her room or her house.
I don’t know how my mother met her, but Caroline had some kind of a disease or disability that made her a “shut-in,” and my mother was a nurse, so that might have been their first connection. It was my first connection with someone who was sick or unwell, yet living with a positive attitude and a giving heart. My mother told me that Caroline spent her days praying for other people and that she would pray for us. My newborn younger sister was near death at the time, though she recovered, so I’m sure we asked Caroline to pray for Mary Jane.
I’ve just had a recent, very brief experience of sickness – following on the heels of an experience my husband had. You’re feeling fine one day followed by being up most of the night busily responding to your stomach and intestinal symptoms. The followed day there’s a headache and feelings of extreme fatigue. My episode happened the night before we had tickets to see Hamilton, tickets that cannot be exchanged, refunded, or replaced.
Most of the day I spent in bed, in and out of cranky feelings of self-pity, falling back into the less desirable aspects of my personality, and deciding it was highly unlikely I’d be able to make it to the show.
Now that it’s behind me, I recognize the gift a short bout of illness can be – to help me appreciate and act responsibly to protect my good health. Seems we only notice when something’s wrong, not when we have the good fortune to feel well, and awareness comes from the contrast. I remember visits to Caroline always made me feel lucky that I could move freely outside my bed and bedroom.
Yes, I did make it to Hamilton, weakened and somewhat bowed by my illness. My friend Christine gave me the encouragement I needed. “Rally girl!” she said. “It’s Hamilton!”
How do you handle the loss of feeling good and the pain and inconvenience of being unwell?
Sheila
